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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Help for Sick Days

It occurs to me as I sit here with a slightly scratchy throat (which BETTER not be another cold), and reflect on my failed attempts to teach my distracted child how to be a good active listener, that I need help.

I'm thinking of pre-recording statements that I can deliver as necessary to respond to my child without actually speaking and hurting my aching throat any more. I figure if I cover my mouth when I talk, he'll never know the difference.

Phrases to record for next cold:
Good morning, Jack!
How did you sleep?
You did? What was it about?
Were you scared?
That's a brave boy!
Yes, you can, just as soon as you get dressed.
No.... No.... Because cats don't need clothes.
Because they have fur.
Because most cats live in the wild and they don't have clothes in the wild and... hey, did you hear that bird chirping outside?
Mommy's going to get dressed.
You can dress in your own room, Jack.
No... No... Because mommy needs privacy.
Let's see who can get dressed first!
Yes, you won! 
Okay we tied.
Okay you won, Jack.
Not today......... Not today......... Not today.
I've already answered that question.
Mmm hmm. Mmm hmm.
Is that right?
Pardon me?
Absolutely. Good manners Jack.
You're welcome.
Yes, you can have more of whatever you want just as soon as you eat what's in front of you.
Okay, go go go!
Good job!
Did you flush the toilet?
Did you wash your hands?
Did you turn off the light?
We're leaving in five minutes!
Two minutes Jack.
Time to go Jack!
Hmm, it looks like you'd rather run errands with mommy than go to Sport Ball/Music Class/Billy's house.
Walking feet please!
In you get.
Sit still please.
Here we go!
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands! <clap><clap> If you're happy and you know it clap your hands! <clap><clap>...
Okay have fun!
I love you!
Hi Jack!
Did you have fun?
Did you say thank-you?
In you get.
Jack... Jack... Jack!!!
Listening please.
I hear you, but you need to put your seatbelt on.
Because if a policeman pulls mommy over and you don't have your seatbelt we'll both be in big trouble.
It means that the policeman will give mommy a ticket.
A ticket is something that costs a lot of money and can affect my driving record.
Well that's when... ah... hey, check out that helicopter up there?
Down by the bay... where the watermelons grow... back to my home... I dare not go. For if I do... my mother will say... "Did you ever see a bear combing his hair, down by the bay?"
Okay, we're home Jack.
Where do your shoes and coat go?
Good job.
Let's have lunch.
We had mac 'n cheese yesterday.
Sure. That sounds yummy!
Mmmm. Good choice, Jack.
Let's clean up.
Why are you crying?
Are you tired?
Well, you're acting like a boy who needs a nap.
Well, maybe a short timeout then.
I can't hear you when you scream like that.
Okay. Mommy needs a timeout.
I'll be back in three minutes.
Yes, I'm all better. Thanks Jack.
Okay, let's play.
It's my turn Jack.
I can't play with you if you won't share your toys.
Oh, good sharing Jack!
Alright Jack. Why don't you find something to play with on your own while I make dinner?
I would love to, but my hands are busy right now, Jack.
Look at that!
Good for you!
You did that all by yourself?
What a great idea!
You are so creative.
No, I don't think cats like to eat paper.
No, I'm sure cats don't like to be chased by sharks.
Yes, we have dessert.
Yes, you may have dessert if you're still hungry after you eat what's in front of you.
Okay, you can get down now, Jack,
Yes, you can play for a few minutes before bedtime.
Okay.... bedtime routine!
<This is where daddy takes over. Ahh, entire minutes of peace and solitude. Space in my head to think my own thoughts. "Mommy!" "Song time!">
What songs would you like to sing tonight, Jack?
Okay, how about one made up silly song and one that we all know?
Very nice.
Hugs and kisses?
Goodnight sweetheart.
No you can't sleep with me.
Oh, sweety. It's okay.
If you dream of bears again, just yell 'Boo!' and they'll run away.
Besides you have George and Teddy to protect you.
And mom and dad are just next door.
Yes, all of the doors are locked.
Yes, the windows too.
Okay, I'm blowing you a kiss.
Got it!
See you in the morning!  
I love you too.
To the moon and back!

Phew! So, how did I do? Think I can survive an entire day without my voice?


  1. Boy, I bet you sleep well at night! I'm tired just reading you!

  2. This post made me really happy. Love the distractions from the why question. :)

  3. This was so sweet. I love it when you gave yourself a time-out ;)

  4. Oh my goodness I don't know if he'll buy it.
    You never realize how much you say in a day until you type it out.

  5. Beth, I'm definitely tired at night! Sleep is always a challenge.

    Moonara, I'm glad. Life is pretty funny if we choose to see it that way. I find my son and our interactions to be hysterically funny. :)

    Jen, I frequently give myself time outs!

    Leighann, I don't think he'd buy it either, sadly. It would be really interesting to actually record what comes out of my mouth over the course of the day! Can't EVEN imagine how long that list would be.

  6. I think this is an awesome idea! I'm sure Jack will be none the wiser.

  7. This is wonderful idea! I would have to hope my son wouldn't hide the recorder.

    Thank your wonderful comment on Kiddothings post. It is really hard to find balance, but it is so necessary.

  8. Holy wow! Have you heard the "everything Mom says in one day" song? I tucked that away in the back of my brain in case it's ever needed. ;)

  9. Jacqui thanks for the vote of confidence. I hope you're right!

    JDaniel4's Mom, thanks, and you're welcome. I really enjoyed and related to your post!

    Deb, I've heard "The Mom Song", where a woman frantically sang about all of the things she says in a day - maybe the same one? It was hysterical!

    Since posting this I have decided that I underestimated how much I say in a day by about 85%. This volume probably covers an hour, max.